i’m sorry, so sorry

I can’t believe it’s almost been four months since I last wrote here!
I’ve been ridiculously busy with work, a holiday, parties, karaoke sessions and, of course, more boy drama. I’ll hopefully get around to writing about some of the more interesting happenings soon.
Feel free to remind me if I haven’t done it by the weekend 😉

Love and hugs.


what the hell?

A question to all the guys out there:
Why is it that so many of you cut off contact with someone after you’ve hooked up or whatever?

I’m not wanting to start anything, I’m just honestly curious.
I’ve just been private messaging with a good friend who recently had this happen to her. She is one of the loveliest, kindest, most amazing people I’ve ever met. She’s quite upset and absolutely mystified and disillusioned, considering the guy was a friend for a while before anything happened … and because he was the one who initiated everything.

I’ve had almost the exact same thing happen, too, and it’s a horrible feeling. Can anyone shed any light on this?

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don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

Head in hands, a stream of hot tears rolls down my puffy, red cheeks. They burn a damp trail as they fall. I wipe them away, but to no avail. They flow faster than I can get to them and don’t seem to want to stop. In one fell swoop, all the stress and drama of the week hit me, the pressure almost crushing me inside, and crying is my best option for release. I curl up on my bed and try to think through everything that had been plaguing me. It’s been so long since I’ve let myself go like this and, to be honest, it’s a rather liberating feeling.

The dejection and melancholia that is consuming me almost entirely abates last week’s euphoria. I feel as though most facets of my life have provided some source of vexation – work, friends, and guys. Sometimes I feel like where I’m concerned when it rains, it pours.

As I lie upon my bed, I think about a conversation I had this afternoon with Chad. He told me that his girlfriend had given him an ultimatum — he can either continue to hang out with me OR have a girlfriend. He chose, obviously, to side with her and had to un-invite me to their birthday gathering this Saturday night as a result. I am not entirely surprised that he did what he did and, if I’m honest, I must admit that I’m actually surprised it didn’t happen sooner. However, that doesn’t make it hurt any less. This happens to me more often than I care to count and each time it hurts a little more. For some stupid reason, I keep deludedly believing, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, that one day one of them will choose our friendship over their insecure girlfriend/fiancee/wife. I’m not stupid enough to truly believe it will ever happen, but a girl can dream, right? I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m always just someone’s time-killer, like the friendship and bonds between us are insignificant and disposable.

Add to this the fact that I get the distinct feeling that Grant is avoiding me. At the end of last month I sent him a casual message just to say, “Hi” and see how he is going. He took a while to respond and when he did, it was just a few short words. One sentence. That’s it. After what happened on New Year’s Eve.
We’ve had a short Facebook inbox conversation since, but it was basically him telling me how incredibly busy he is and how he has no money so he can’t catch up with me or go out. Then I notice that his friends are Facebook tagging him when they check-in at various restaurants, bars and other such establishments.
I feel like such an idiot thinking we could ever be friends after what went on between us. I don’t want anything from him – only our friendship. It hurts to think that maybe he doesn’t feel he can be honest with me. It’s taking all I’ve got to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that maybe he actually is really busy/broke/sick/tired/whatever, but I have to cling to that little shred of hope — otherwise I’ve just let myself be naïvely used once again. Like the idiotic skank I am.

With that thought, I cocoon myself in my doona and bury my face in my pillow.

if you’re happy and you know it write a blog :P

Happy! Happy! Happy!!!!! 😀

Today was such a great day!
I Skyped with my best friend/ex for an hour or so. We hadn’t spoken for over a month, so it made my day! Add to that the fact that I also Skyped with my parents for a while, had wonderful Facebook inbox sessions with a couple of lovely friends, AND found out some awesome news – I am one ecstatic girl!

The awesome news was that Dan will hopefully be coming to town in a few weeks, so we’ll be catching up! YAY! 😀 hehehe
It’s his birthday the weekend before, so I’ve got an awesome present idea in mind for when he’s in town –  a night in a love hotel!!!  I’ve been doing a fair bit of research online and found one that’s got some semi tackily-themed rooms, but is not toooooo sleazy or scummy. The rooms even have karaoke machines! 😉
What do you think? Does this idea sound okay or is it trying too hard, considering we’re not in a relationship or anything?

Whenever I’m this happy, I just HAVE to sing. I’ve been bouncing and dancing around my apartment belting out a few tunes all afternoon and evening while my flatmate has been out.

My songlist of choice included:
“Set Fire to the Rain” – Adele
“Wonderwall” – Oasis
“Pumped up Kicks” – Foster the People
“Count on me” – Bruno Mars
“I Found a Boy” – Adele  [Not Freudianly implying anything with this title, just a song stuck in my head at the time ;)]
“Dog Days are Over” – Florence & the Machine
“Where I Stood” – Missy Higgins

Days like this make everything so fabulous!

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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